Hurting

I've never felt pain like this before. I thought going through the pregnancy with a husband cheating on me was hard. But what Kenny is doing now hurts so much more. He has had Bella for 2 weeks and I can hardly stand it. He won't let her use her phone and every time we talk he's right there. When I ask "Is Kenny right there?" she says yes and when I say "Is it hard to talk with him there?" she says yes. Now he's saying he won't bring her back until Friay at 6pm. Which is past his time. If he does that she'll miss the primary ice cream party and walking home with her friends. He cares so little about her. If he cared at all he would let her walk home with her friends and then come get her or something. During his 2 weeks he took her to his work and she just sat there and watched shows on the computer. I hate that he's doing this. He's causing so much pain on everyone. It's hard t take care of the twins and Claire. I feel like I'm in a fog and it's never ending. I don't sleep and I don't eat. I've lost 7 lbs and I'm so tired all the time. The doctor gave me Ambien but it doesn't seem to be helping. He also started me on Prosac. I don't know if that will help. I've never had to take drugs like this and it's because of the stressed caused by Kenny.
I just love my little girl so much!! I want her home. I've never been away from her for so long and it's physically killing me. I don't feel like I can make it,

Cute Claire

Friday was the hardest day of my life, so far. The judge granted Kenny his 2 week vacation with Bella. It will go into school. I've been a wreck. Crying, not eating, not sleeping. Kelli offered to take the twins all week so Seth drove them up today. I was laying on the couch crying this morning and Claire got a blanket and put it on me. Then she wen upstairs got me a string cheese (which she unwrapped) and an apple. It was so cute. Then at lunch she said the prayer and said "please bless that my mom will be happy".
I'm blessed to have so many people who care about me, our family and especially Bella.

Hard Times

This past week has been the hardest since my divorce.
We found out Kenny was paying the right amount in child support. I went to him to talk about it and we decided to meet but when we did (a week later) he was in full attack mode.
He had already seen a lawyer and had written a letter stating that he wanted joint custody.
It's basically been a nightmare since then.
He has called, e-mailed, and texed and most have been in a threatening and bullying way.
Seth and I met with Russ and he reassured us that we had nothing to worry about, and he continues to say that as the texts and e-mails keep coming.
I know he knows what he's talking about, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I love my little Bella more than anything. She is so sweet and vulnerable right now. She has the most wonderful testimony and love of the gospel.
I have blessed with amazing friends who have helped watch the kids while I go to the temple, take a break to clear my head or meet with the attorney.
The hardest part is Kenny is so good at multiplication and bullying that I start to believe everything he says.
I've done a good job at never showing him how I feel, and staying strong but it's so hard. I usually end up crying.
I keep trying to remember that we're in the middle of it and I just can't see the big picture.
I have felt the spirit so strong and I know it has helped me say the right things and e-mail the right things.
Bella is the love of my life and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe and keep her life normal.

Claire's commercials

Claire has been booking so many commercials and photo shots lately. She had one for The Children's Miracle Network and one for The Foundation For A Better Life.

She had ball at both. 

Claire's good choices chart

I came up with an idea to try and channel all of Claire's energy into something positive. And I came up with "Claire's Good Choice's Chart". It worked surprisingly well. Every time she did something that wasn't a good choice I was amazed at how she reacted if I threatened to take a sticker off her chart.

It also helped that she had her eye on a certain Popsicle. And every time she earned one she had a huge smile!

It was great.

And even better she happened to be giving the talk in sharing time and this was a great example for it.

I'm so proud of her!!

Summer Camp

The girls have been busy this summer. Bella has taken tennis, dance and swimming lessons. And she has golf lessons coming up in a few weeks. 

Claire has had swimming and dance.

Then last week they went to summer camp for a week. It was at Claire's preschool. They went everyday in the morning. They had a great time! 

This summer is going by way too fast!

They posed this way on their own.

4th of July Activities

We had a great 4th of July. We started on the 3rd with fireworks at Eaglewood and then woke up bright and early for the Murray parade with Jami and her family. The kids love this parade especially the candy!

After the parade we made a quick run to Park City and then had lunch.

It was such a fun day!! The only think that was missing was Larry's fireworks show. It's a tradition on our street for our neighbor Larry to put on a huge show and his wife to load all the kids up with glow in the dark everything (necklaces, bracelets, ear rings, swords), but this year because of the fires and all the firework restrictions the show had to be canceled. Oh well, maybe next year.

Bella at the parade

Lunch

 Fireworks

weekend of Camping & Boating

I'm a little behind in blogging but with so much going on this summer I really want to try and stay caught up.

Anyway last weekend we took a last minute trip to Anderson Cove to camp and then boat at PineView with friends. We had a blast! The kids had so much fun with their friends and so did we.

The only thing that would have made this trip even better was if Bella had been there, but she was camping with Kenny. Oh well, maybe next time.

 Seth & Syd

 Amber & Abby

 Wyatt & Sawyer making smores

 Seth & Claire enjoying the stars

 All the kids at the lake

 Marianne & Claire

 Marianne hellping the little kids across the lake.

 This was easily Claire's favorite part of the trip! She LOVED boating and going on the tube. She screamed "this is awesome!!!" and didn't want to stop, even when the boys were done.

 The twins also loved the water. They didn't want to get out.

 Abby & Nate

 Seth & the girls on the tube

Me, Amber and Chels on the tube

Happy Father's Day 2012

This year for Father's day I got a lot of help from Pinterest! I don't spend a lot of time on that website but whenever I do I find so many great ideas.

A fw weeks before Fathers Day I took Claire to the Utah bookstore to pick out a present for Seth. She was so excited with her gift. A huge Utah ball. (The thing wrapped in yellow paper). She said they could both play with it.

Bella and Claire also got a kick out of the answers the twins gave about some questions I asked about Seth. Again, the printout was from Pinterest.

After church we had my family over for dinner. It was a great day!

Bear Lake 2012

About a week ago some of our favorite people in our ward called and offered their Bear Lake condo for the week. It was short notice but since it was free we switched things around and made sure it was possible to go.

And man, was it worth it!!!

We had a great time!! Since it's June it was still a little cold but the kids didn't seem to mind. In fact the first day it was actually in the upper 80's and the kids never left the beach. And one day they all stayed at the pool for 5 hours!!

My dad was kind enough to come up with me for the first 2 days since Seth had to finish some things at work. 

Claire and Syd even cried when they realized he was gone.

Then Claire cried again when it was time to go home.

So I'd say it was was a good trip!

All of us at the beach

Cute girls at the beach

Me and my girls

The twins with their best friend

Bella & grandpa

Seth and the girls at the pool

They loved the slide

Out for a quick bike ride

Playing the old school Nintendo

Bella Story

A few nights ago Bella came into my room wanting to cuddle. It was past bed time but I said yes.
She laid on the bed and said "mom did you know I don't come in here to watch Gilmore Girls with you? I come in here because I like to see watch you so I know how to be a good. Then I can do all the things you do".
I told her I hope of all the things she learns from me I hope she knows that I have a testimony of the gospel.
Then we started talking about church stuff.
It was great!
She is the most amazing girl!!
I love her so much!

Our Modern Family at Lagoon

A few weeks ago Kenny asked if he could take Bella to Lagoon. His company rents the entire place. Well long story short he offered to get me and Claire a free ticket. Since Seth was in Moab with friends biking, the twins went with grandma and grandpa and Claire and I headed to Lagoon.

When people would ask Claire where she was going on Friday she would respond with a smile "To Lagoon with my mom and Kenny".

I have to say I felt very spoiled. When we pulled up there was a sign saying "closed to the public for a private event". There were no lines and many times Claire was the ONLY person on a ride. It was great! His company also did lunch and so many fun free activities that we took advantage of.

Claire was her usual funny self. On one ride she screamed "This is AWESOME!!!!!" and giggled until it was over. People were laughing. Then on another one where we got drenched she said "Oh my gosh!! I'm soaking wet! I love this!!"

We had lunch with Kenny, is girlfriend, and his friend and his little girl and even went on a few rides together.

All and all it was a great day. I got to spend pretty much the whole day with Claire and when we did all hang out it was normal.

Grandpa's Visits

Whenever grandpa comes to help out (more like bail us out of hard situations) the kids gather around and watch, while they talk his ear off. We're so lucky to have him so close and always willing to serve!

Grandpa and his fan club

Birthday do-over

The morning of Seth's actual birthday we were both up at 6 to work out and came home and went about our normal morning routine so we missed breakfast and presents in bed.

So I made sure we had a do-over the next day (which was a Saturday, so it worked out perfectly).

He first enjoyed breakfast in bed with his girls and then opened presents. Claire was pretty happy with hers. She picked out a mirror for the shower so he could shave. 

Then that night we had some friends over for cake and ice cream.

Leave it to our good friends Rick and Marianne to have the best present ever. They always manage to get the best regular present or white elephant. 

As you can see from the picture, Seth is almost in tears he's so happy. It was a Utah clock signed by Kyle Whittingham!!! He hung it up at work first thing Monday morning.

End of year stuff

The end of the year is such a busy time! I heard someone compare may to December with how many things there are going on and I totally agree.

(I'm still getting used to this new set up for the blog and I didn't get the pictures in the right order).

Bella had a pancake party that the twins and I got to go to. She had a great time showing them off to all her friends and having them sit with her at her desk.

Claire had a program at school for her last day. She did a great job on her part and even filled in for someone else. She got a little shy at the end and stayed on her dad's lap, but he wasn't complaining. Grandpa came to see Claire and she loved that! I had to snap a pic of Seth and Nate in their matching work clothes. I told Claire that Nate sent Seth a text that morning asking what he was going to wear that day so they could wear the same thing to the program. She believed that because, why wouldn't two adult grown men coordinate their outfits?

I can't believe this year is already over!!

Claire and grandpa

Wyatt & Claire

Ms Char & Claire

Family Picture

Bella and the twins at the pan cake party