Friday, January 17, 2014

Cooking Class #4

January's cooking class did not disappoint. The girls are loving this!!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Claire's Homework

I told Claire her homework paper said to "draw something red". I started making lunch and turned around and this- a red "U".
I think Seth would be proud

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Claire's Birthday

Claire's birthday started out with the traditional presents and breakfast in bed. She got a new shirt, a barbie, and Innotab 2S and the girls gave her a new style book.
She loved all of the presents.
Later in the afternoon she got a special date with grandma and grandpa. They went to California Pizza Kitchen and then to see the movie Frozen.
Then tonight we went to a University of Utah gymnastics meet with the Sorenson's and Stewart's.
As I was tucking her in tonight she said she had the best day!

Happy Birthday Claire

Dear Claire,

Happy Happy Birthday!
You were so cute last night, so excited to wake up and have presents and breakfast in bed. Almost as excited as Christmas!
I love you so much!
You have such a sweet personality. You're always up for trying new things and have such a good attitude. 
You bring a smile to my face and always make me happy!
I love being your mom. IN just your short 6 years you've taught me so much!
One of my favorite things about you is that when you grow up you want to me a mom. That melts my heart!
Our home would not be the same with you!


Mom & Dad

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Light of hope

Tonight when Bella came home from her weekend with Kenny, we were all watching a movie downstairs.
She came right in and sat next to Seth. Then she put her head on his shoulder and cuddled with him.
He looked at me and I know we were thinking the same thing...Kenny can do and say all he wants but her family is us and he can't take it away.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Enough Already

I haven't been able to get out of bed for almost 2 days.
I cry every time I think about it.
It hurts so much knowing Kenny got everything he wanted. It all comes down to money and lies. He has money and could make this go on forever. He lied and manipulated his way into getting what he wanted.
People have been sweet. Calling, e-mail and even Linds Hatch came over yesterday with flowers and gave me a hug. So not like her. :) But so thoughtful.
I just don't see how he thinks he can come up her 2 days a week and then drive back in the morning. Even typing this makes my stomach turn. How can this be good on a child? I prayed that the best possible thing would happen for Bella. And the truth is people have agency and there are still man made laws. So Kenny wins. It just makes me sick.
I can't even think about child support. Nothing has been figured out yet but I'm sure I'l lose again because that's just the way things are going for us.
I'm so tired of looking around at friends and family who have it so well.
I would love to be a good mom who isn't stressed and one who is happy all the time.
I would love to be able to afford to take the kids on a trip.
Thinking about everything literately makes my head hurt.
I can't stop crying.
The poor little girls have seen me cry way too much.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Telling Bella

I thought yesterday was hard but today was worse.
We (just the two of us) went to lunch and I told her. She cried and cried and so did I. She couldn't finish her food and said "mom, I don't want to stay can we leave?". Then in the car we cried more and she said "why won't he let me go to church?".
I tried to explain that she was lucky to have had 9 years going to the same ward because people like Kate and Grace have always had to go back and forth. I told her maybe she could be a good example on him and maybe he would sometime go. Even though I highly doubt it.
I told her we have to enjoy the time we have together and make every moment count.
I also said we have to be strong and it will get easier.
I wonder if she could tell I didn't believe what I was saying.

I just hope she one day can see how hard we tried and how much we love her!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The End

I feel numb but I don't feel like writing but I know later I'll wish I had if I don't.

Today was hard. I basically gave into everything Kenny asked for. It was long and complicated and hurt so much. I feel like I betrayed Bella. I'm dreading telling her tomorrow. 

I hate him so much! 

This is the letter I sent out to everyone and it basically sums it up.

Hi Friends and Family,

Thank you all for your love and support over the last 18 months. We have felt your care and concern and it means so much.

Today I had my final meeting concerning custody. I had to make some very difficult decisions. Not only was it not easy, it still doesn't feel good. Even though we know it needed to happen.

I gave in to allowing Kenny full Sunday visitation. For the last 9 years Bella has always attended church with us. I'm thankful for that time and grateful for her sweet testimony. I know that going with him every other Sunday will only make her enjoy church more when she is with us.

I also gave in to Christmas Eve visits. For the last 9 years she has always been with us on Christmas eve and been able to wake up with her sisters Christmas morning. This was a hard choice but I am thankful I had so many of her younger years for Christmas morning.

And lastly, what was the hardest; was joint custody. This was not an easy choice, especially since I know he has moved forward with all of this because of money not because of what was best for Bella.
The schedule is complicated. One day a week he will come up to Bountiful at 5:30pm and keep Bella over night. He will then bring her back the next morning 20 minutes before school starts so she can walk with her friends. Then that weekend he will get her from 5:30pm on Friday until Monday morning before school starts. Then the other week, when it is not his weekend he will get her 2 days during the week (so Tuesday at 5:30 bring her back Wednesday before school and then Thursday at 5:30 and bring her back on Friday morning). There will be some weeks where Bella is basically with him from Thursday until Monday, with a few breaks in between.
This schedule will continue the same way during the summer.
The only good thing is he will do 100% of the driving.

Of course we know him and we know he will never keep this up. It's too much driving and time. But he still won. He got everything he wanted and will not have to pay child support.

It's been a tough day for Seth and I to realize that in the end money, lies and the adversary won. He had the money to keep this going and we just don't. We know we can document everything and if he stops doing his share we could take him back to court. But the reality is that will never happen. We can't afford the financial toll or the emotional toll another 1-2 years could take on our family.

It's hard to see the adversary win and Bella not go to church every week. He made it very clear in his argument that she needs to see another side of life and be exposed to other things besides church on Sunday. He wants to take her away from the church so much and now he got what he wanted. 

This was such a hard choice and hurts more than I can ever explain.

Our only hope is that Bella will one day see how much we care and all that we tried to do for her. It's hard not to feel like we betrayed her. It feels like we gave up which is not the case.

Thanks again for everything we really appreciate it!


Seth & Amy