Thursday, January 2, 2014

The End

I feel numb but I don't feel like writing but I know later I'll wish I had if I don't.

Today was hard. I basically gave into everything Kenny asked for. It was long and complicated and hurt so much. I feel like I betrayed Bella. I'm dreading telling her tomorrow. 

I hate him so much! 

This is the letter I sent out to everyone and it basically sums it up.

Hi Friends and Family,

Thank you all for your love and support over the last 18 months. We have felt your care and concern and it means so much.

Today I had my final meeting concerning custody. I had to make some very difficult decisions. Not only was it not easy, it still doesn't feel good. Even though we know it needed to happen.

I gave in to allowing Kenny full Sunday visitation. For the last 9 years Bella has always attended church with us. I'm thankful for that time and grateful for her sweet testimony. I know that going with him every other Sunday will only make her enjoy church more when she is with us.

I also gave in to Christmas Eve visits. For the last 9 years she has always been with us on Christmas eve and been able to wake up with her sisters Christmas morning. This was a hard choice but I am thankful I had so many of her younger years for Christmas morning.

And lastly, what was the hardest; was joint custody. This was not an easy choice, especially since I know he has moved forward with all of this because of money not because of what was best for Bella.
The schedule is complicated. One day a week he will come up to Bountiful at 5:30pm and keep Bella over night. He will then bring her back the next morning 20 minutes before school starts so she can walk with her friends. Then that weekend he will get her from 5:30pm on Friday until Monday morning before school starts. Then the other week, when it is not his weekend he will get her 2 days during the week (so Tuesday at 5:30 bring her back Wednesday before school and then Thursday at 5:30 and bring her back on Friday morning). There will be some weeks where Bella is basically with him from Thursday until Monday, with a few breaks in between.
This schedule will continue the same way during the summer.
The only good thing is he will do 100% of the driving.

Of course we know him and we know he will never keep this up. It's too much driving and time. But he still won. He got everything he wanted and will not have to pay child support.

It's been a tough day for Seth and I to realize that in the end money, lies and the adversary won. He had the money to keep this going and we just don't. We know we can document everything and if he stops doing his share we could take him back to court. But the reality is that will never happen. We can't afford the financial toll or the emotional toll another 1-2 years could take on our family.

It's hard to see the adversary win and Bella not go to church every week. He made it very clear in his argument that she needs to see another side of life and be exposed to other things besides church on Sunday. He wants to take her away from the church so much and now he got what he wanted. 

This was such a hard choice and hurts more than I can ever explain.

Our only hope is that Bella will one day see how much we care and all that we tried to do for her. It's hard not to feel like we betrayed her. It feels like we gave up which is not the case.

Thanks again for everything we really appreciate it!


Seth & Amy

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