Christmas with grandpa and grandma

We celebrated Christmas with grandma and grandpa tonight. The girls had fun of course! They're so lucky to have them so close.

Pedicures

Today the girls were doubly spoiled. Sister Mangrum called last night and offered to take all the girls so Seth and I could finish any last minute errands together. HOw thoughtful! The girls had so much fun there. They made gingerbread men and decorated gingerbread houses.

Then this afternoon Laura Lee treated Bella, Claire and I to a spa day. To say the girls liked it would be an understatement. They LOVED it! They even got to pick out what design they wanted on their toes.

Such a fun day!

Christmas Eve

The girls have been so excited all day! I think they might explode with excitement! I love it.

They are having a sleepover in Bella and Claire's room.

After I tucked them in I sat outside their room with the video camera and recorded them talking and giggling.

Nothing could make me more happy!

I love them all so much! I'm so blessed!

Snow Day

The girls have been having so m snow much fun in the snow lately. Weather it's making snowmen, or sledding. They love it all. This is the first year I've been able to get them all ready (well, Bella can do it herself) and go out and enjoy it with them. It's been great!

Christmas Sunday

I love the girls in their Christmas dresses. I think I like it more than Easter dresses. 

Love them!

Claire's Class Party

We had a fun time at Claire's class party decorating gingerbread houses. The twins got right in on the action, sitting at the tables and playing with the other kids. When Mrs Holbrook asked the kids to come get in a line and have their pictures taken with their houses Syd was right there ready. It was cute!

3rd Grade Christmas Program

Bella's class preformed a fun Christmas program today. They have been learning about how different countries celebrate Christmas and they learned songs in different languages. She also learned how to play the ukulele for one of the songs. And she chose to do a report on Russia. It was a lot of fun to watch her.

Gingerbread Houses

Seth was in charge of helping make the ginger bread houses this year, which is why there is a big "U" on the front. Lol. But the girls loved it!

Cooking Class #3

Cooking class was another hit. This time the girls made gingerbread houses and christmas tree cupcakes.

The girls love it! And their teacher is fantastic!

So glad I signed them up!

Happy Birthday Luke & Bella

Luke and Bella had a fun time blowing out the candles on their shared birthday at grandma and grandpa's. Love this tradition! Love these two!

Bella's All Day BIrthday

Mid morning we ran treats up to her class and then in the afternoon she gave an oral report on Christmas traditions in Russia. She brought a special Russian cookie and a doll from Seth's mission. He even answered questions.

She was a hit!

For dinner we had home made mac and cheese. Then it was off to her jr jazz game. She brought treats again and was a hit.

Then we met uncle Alden and Laura Lee for ice cream and presents. Grandma and Grandpa also came over so it was a great birthday for her!

Bella Birthday Morning

Bella was so excited for birthday morning that I found her in the kitchen pouring the drinks and getting the donuts on the pates. She was already dressed and got back into our bed to eat and open presents. 

She got her American Girl Doll that she really wanted and the girls picked out a stuffed animal owl that she had had her eye on.

It was such a fun morning!

I love this tradition.

Happy Birthday Bella

Dear Bella,

Oh I am so proud of you! Tonight at dinner as we all said good things about you it was hard to sop. You have so many amazing qualities. My favorite though was when you said "I know! I have one!" and then told us something good about yourself. So that makes one more- you have great self esteem.

We've been through a lot this past year with all the custody stuff and you've been so tough through it all. I'm so impressed with your commitment to go to church and obey the commandments even when you aren't with us.

You make me so proud!
I love being your mom!

Love,

Mom

Rotten Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving started out fine. The night before the girls and I made 6 different pies. Bella was such a great helper! I'm so glad we get her this year. It's been fun!

Long story short we were just about to eat and Seth got a call from mike that he found found my mom face down in her apartment and it looked she had been dead for a few days.

Such a mess!

I've been so stressed with the Kenny stuff and dealing with getting my mom admitted into a hospital I didn't think I could take any more. I cried a lot and had Seth take me home. He went back and dealt with the police. Oh and Carston was there. Such a nice guy!

Then today I dealt with phone calls, texts, my moms bishop and Alden. 

What a day.

Alden is flying in tonight and Seth is going to pick him and his girlfriend up at the airport and take them to where they are staying. Then tomorrow we'll meet at the mortuary and the elders from her ward will bring all the boxes over to my house so we can start sorting.

Not looking forward to any of this.

Thank heaven for all the nice people who have called and offered to help with the kids because we will need it this week.

Great Dad

Today was a little rough.

Kenny has been at it again with full force. His e-mails have gotten worse. Very manipulative and mean. I was just under so much stress.

I called my dad and broke down.

He then offered to take the girls to the zoo. Something I was planning to do because it was free zoo day. But I was having such a rough day I didn't think I would make it.

Anyway he was so amazing! As usual. He took the girls and while they were there he ran into Marianne and A. The kids all wanted to stay with their friends so he walked around with the moms for a few hours.

I'm so thankful for such a great dad/grandpa!

Cooking Class #2

Today was another successful cooking class! They made turkey and cheese roll ups with homemade bread, pumpkin pie, a turkey thing with nuts and apple cider that they pored into apples after they cored them.

Such a fun thing for the girls!

Kindergarten Thanksgiving Lunch

Today was the annual Thanksgiving lunch with the kindergarten class. It seems like just yesterday we were there with Bella and the twins were just babies.

It was a lot of fun and Claire had fun showing us off.

The craziest part was a conversation I had with another mom. It went something like this:

Her: Are you Claire's mom? My son is Cade. He came home the other day and said  "mom Claire's my girlfriend"

Me: Oh no

Her: It was innocent, really. But then when I realized who Claire was, I was like good for you she's hot.

Hmm...

I didn't know what to think. I just laughed and was a little flattered. Then after that another mom told me her little boy has a crush on Claire.

Oh Claire bear. At recess she chases the 1st and 2nd grade boys. She's already boy crazy.

A Girl After my Own Heart

Bella made a count down of how many days until her birthday!

Nothing could make me more proud...except for the time she said "my three favorite holidays are Christmas, Halloween and my birthday".

Love her!!

Missing Bella

Just missing my sweet girl tonight.
She went with Kenny for the weekend. She came home today for church and then I had to take her back and because tomorrow is Veteran's Day he insisted that she sleep over tonight and he'll bring her home on Monday morning so she can walk to school.
So around 7:00pm tonight I really started to get sad. That's when she usually comes home.
What made it worse was when she cried on Friday because she didn't want to stay that long.
Oh I miss her!

Date with the twins

I decided to take the twins on a date but ended up letting them take a friend. It worked out perfectly. Bella was with Kate, Claire was having a sleepover with Elysia at grandpa and grandma's and Seth was at the Utah game.

The twins picked Luke. We had a fun lunch at McDonalds and then headed to Kangaroo Zoo.

It was a great day and they were all worn out by the time we got home.  

A night to remember

Tonight was one of those nights I wish I could bottle up and keep forever.

As we ate dinner the twins finished and went in their room to play. They just giggled and played. It was so fun to listen to. (Yesterday someone stopped me at the store to comment on how cute their laugh was.)

Then after dinner we were all in our room just playing and laughing. All the girls got hiccups from laughing so hard. There was no tv or phones. Just playing and laughing as a family.

Oh I love them all!!

Crazy Pam

Last week my mom showed up unannounced and was actually very pleasant. She called and left a nice message, then an e-mail and then just showed up. I was nervous at first since I never know how things with her will go. But it was fine. She hadn't been here in almost a year.

Then on Halloween night she called and sounded really worried and weird. She was talking fast and saying things like she was worried if we were ok and she was safe and I shouldn't worry. After a little probing she finally said the Bountiful City police were trying to extort money from her and that she'd called the Salt Lake police and they were keeping her safe. 

None of it made sense but after we finished talking Seth said to call Carston (a police officer in our ward) and check and see if she really filed a report. It runs out she did and the SL police listened to her story and then suggested she speak with someone from Valley Mental Health. She of course freaked out and walked out.

I decided not to do anything (after a good talk with Linda). Because truthfully she doesn't want my help and probably enjoys this little world she's created.

But then on Monday I got a call from Alden and form the Bountiful City police. Turns out they've been dealing with her for 2 weeks. She had made several calls saying that the shadows in her painting were coming out of the walls and black crows were circling around her apartment. They even went over to check on her. But when they suggested she speak with a mental health person she got mad and wouldn't speak to them.

So I found where she was staying, that day, and talked to her for about 40 minutes. After talking with her I was more convinced that she is so crazy and there's nothing I can do for her unless she wants to get help. She was saying things like Seth is behind all of this. He wants her money and he started this. It was crazy.

Then later that night she called crying and said she's jealous and intimidated by me. She wanted to have lunch the next day so we could talk. 

But the more I thought about it the more I realized I can't talk to her until she's ready to be honest with herself and my. So I e-mailed her a very nice letter and basically put everything out in the open. The police stuff, her landlord (Mike Youngberg- how she was late on her rent) getting help. I said it all nice and in a loving way. This was confirmed by Linda. I had her read the e-mail and she said it was very kind and loving.

So as of today she hasn't responded. I doubt she will. But that is fine since we weren't exactly on great terms before. 

Halloween 2013

Halloween was great! We started the morning off trick or treat at all the grandparents work. The girls had enough candy from that to last them all month.

Then later that day Claire had a party in her classroom and I'm lucky enough to be the room mom so I got to be there. It was lots of fun.

After school we went trick or treating in colonial square with the Sorenson's and then it was off to the Barlow's for their annual Halloween dinner followed by trick or treating.

It was a such a fun day! 

Then we made Seth jealous by sleeping in and being lazy the next day (there was no school).

Great way to start the weekend.

1st Cooking Class

About a month ago I signed the girls up for a cooking class and today was their first time. 

It did not disappoint. I couldn't believe how much stuff they made. Caramel apples, pizza, a chocolate spider thing and ghost cupcakes.

They couldn't stop talking about how much fun they had and the new friends they made.

Best money I could have spent.

Sad

I feel so defeated.
I think we're going to have to settle and let Kenny have 50/50.
This hurts more than anything I've had to go through.
I'm turning over the most precious thing in my life to someone else. And I don't trust him.
I'm so scared.
I can't stop crying.
I wish there was a better solution.
I hate this.

Settlement Conference

I've been a wreck since last Wednesday when Anna Trupp gave her recommendation that Kenny should have 50/50 custody.

But today I'm not feeling as nervous and scared as I thought I would.

I know it helped that I went to the Temple yesterday and that so many people have said prayers in our behalf.

It's hard because none of this seems fair or what's in the best interest of Bella. It's just about what rights Kenny has.

I just want Bella to know when this is all over that I did everything I could to keep her where she feels safe and happy. 

Yesterday Kenny's attorney sent over his list of things he wants for the settlement. They include us paying for his attorney fees, he wants to be able to drink alcohol with no limits in front of her and not bring her ack for church as well as goon the recommendation from Anna.

I've been praying for some guidance as far as knowing if we should just settle or go to trial and afte I saw his request I feel like I know my answer.

I can't in good faith agree to what he's asking. It may be a long shot but I've go to try.

So we'll see how today goes. It stinks that Seth can't be there. He's been Bella's dad since she was 7 months old but since he's the "step father" he can't.

I know when this is all over he can't take away the last 8 years.

General Conference

The girls were really paying attention to conference today.

I heard lots of giggling and came into the room to see this.

Makes me so happy!

Best Helper

Bella made dinner tonight for the girls. It was her first time making dinner. She's made sandwiches and got cereal for the girls but this was her first time making something on the stove. She made white shells. 

It was such a huge help for me. 

Seth was at priesthood and I was getting ready to have Alison and Marianne and all their kids over. So I really appreciated her help.

She's growing up so fast! But I love watching her!

Hard Lesson

Today was a lesson for me. One that I'm not really sure I've learned from yet. I guess I'm learning still.

I took Claire to her acting workshop in Salt Lake today. It was awful. In a nutshell- she hated it. Cried, wouldn't walk, and when I took Bella to Kenny's she ran away from the class and was lost for 20 minutes.

On the way home I was so angry with her I couldn't even talk. I thought this would be so good for her since she nails auditions and it was a class of kids.

BUt after much thought and talking to her I think I will try things differently next week. My dad said he would watch the twins. So I think I will take Bella and we'll both go in and sit with her during her class. Then she can kind of show off to Bella and have the security of having me there.

Being a parent is tough. I'm trying to do what I feel is best, and hoping that I'm making her feel loved and cared for. But at the end of most days I find myself doubting everything and feeling guilty for not doing enough.

Then tonight I went visiting teaching to an older woman (in her 70's) and she talked about her regrets as a parent and how fast time really goes. I just hope I can enjoy each stage with the kids and that they will still want to come around when I'm older. I want to feel needed by them. Maybe that's dumb, but that's what this lady was most sad about; feeling like she doesn't have a place in life and that no one needs her.

At least tomorrow's a new day and I can try harder.

Utah games

Summer of Lagoon

2013 has been the summer of Lagoon for us. As of today we've been 22 times! And we still have September and October for Freightmares. 

 There were many days we just went for a few hours to either Lagoon or Lagoon a beach. We'd pack a lunch or dinner (when Seth got off work) and just ride some rides for a little bit. Seth and Claire loved the rock and roll shows. One night we actually went just to watch a show and have a treat. Cheap entertainment! We also went on a night date with Rich and Alison; that was great! 

And one day we met Marianne and Amber and their kids for a day. Another day we met Chad and Beth for a few hours.

So I'd say we defiantly got our moneys worth!