Hard Lesson

Today was a lesson for me. One that I'm not really sure I've learned from yet. I guess I'm learning still.

I took Claire to her acting workshop in Salt Lake today. It was awful. In a nutshell- she hated it. Cried, wouldn't walk, and when I took Bella to Kenny's she ran away from the class and was lost for 20 minutes.

On the way home I was so angry with her I couldn't even talk. I thought this would be so good for her since she nails auditions and it was a class of kids.

BUt after much thought and talking to her I think I will try things differently next week. My dad said he would watch the twins. So I think I will take Bella and we'll both go in and sit with her during her class. Then she can kind of show off to Bella and have the security of having me there.

Being a parent is tough. I'm trying to do what I feel is best, and hoping that I'm making her feel loved and cared for. But at the end of most days I find myself doubting everything and feeling guilty for not doing enough.

Then tonight I went visiting teaching to an older woman (in her 70's) and she talked about her regrets as a parent and how fast time really goes. I just hope I can enjoy each stage with the kids and that they will still want to come around when I'm older. I want to feel needed by them. Maybe that's dumb, but that's what this lady was most sad about; feeling like she doesn't have a place in life and that no one needs her.

At least tomorrow's a new day and I can try harder.