1st Cooking Class

About a month ago I signed the girls up for a cooking class and today was their first time. 

It did not disappoint. I couldn't believe how much stuff they made. Caramel apples, pizza, a chocolate spider thing and ghost cupcakes.

They couldn't stop talking about how much fun they had and the new friends they made.

Best money I could have spent.

Sad

I feel so defeated.
I think we're going to have to settle and let Kenny have 50/50.
This hurts more than anything I've had to go through.
I'm turning over the most precious thing in my life to someone else. And I don't trust him.
I'm so scared.
I can't stop crying.
I wish there was a better solution.
I hate this.

Settlement Conference

I've been a wreck since last Wednesday when Anna Trupp gave her recommendation that Kenny should have 50/50 custody.

But today I'm not feeling as nervous and scared as I thought I would.

I know it helped that I went to the Temple yesterday and that so many people have said prayers in our behalf.

It's hard because none of this seems fair or what's in the best interest of Bella. It's just about what rights Kenny has.

I just want Bella to know when this is all over that I did everything I could to keep her where she feels safe and happy. 

Yesterday Kenny's attorney sent over his list of things he wants for the settlement. They include us paying for his attorney fees, he wants to be able to drink alcohol with no limits in front of her and not bring her ack for church as well as goon the recommendation from Anna.

I've been praying for some guidance as far as knowing if we should just settle or go to trial and afte I saw his request I feel like I know my answer.

I can't in good faith agree to what he's asking. It may be a long shot but I've go to try.

So we'll see how today goes. It stinks that Seth can't be there. He's been Bella's dad since she was 7 months old but since he's the "step father" he can't.

I know when this is all over he can't take away the last 8 years.

General Conference

The girls were really paying attention to conference today.

I heard lots of giggling and came into the room to see this.

Makes me so happy!

Best Helper

Bella made dinner tonight for the girls. It was her first time making dinner. She's made sandwiches and got cereal for the girls but this was her first time making something on the stove. She made white shells. 

It was such a huge help for me. 

Seth was at priesthood and I was getting ready to have Alison and Marianne and all their kids over. So I really appreciated her help.

She's growing up so fast! But I love watching her!

Hard Lesson

Today was a lesson for me. One that I'm not really sure I've learned from yet. I guess I'm learning still.

I took Claire to her acting workshop in Salt Lake today. It was awful. In a nutshell- she hated it. Cried, wouldn't walk, and when I took Bella to Kenny's she ran away from the class and was lost for 20 minutes.

On the way home I was so angry with her I couldn't even talk. I thought this would be so good for her since she nails auditions and it was a class of kids.

BUt after much thought and talking to her I think I will try things differently next week. My dad said he would watch the twins. So I think I will take Bella and we'll both go in and sit with her during her class. Then she can kind of show off to Bella and have the security of having me there.

Being a parent is tough. I'm trying to do what I feel is best, and hoping that I'm making her feel loved and cared for. But at the end of most days I find myself doubting everything and feeling guilty for not doing enough.

Then tonight I went visiting teaching to an older woman (in her 70's) and she talked about her regrets as a parent and how fast time really goes. I just hope I can enjoy each stage with the kids and that they will still want to come around when I'm older. I want to feel needed by them. Maybe that's dumb, but that's what this lady was most sad about; feeling like she doesn't have a place in life and that no one needs her.

At least tomorrow's a new day and I can try harder.

Utah games

Summer of Lagoon

2013 has been the summer of Lagoon for us. As of today we've been 22 times! And we still have September and October for Freightmares. 

 There were many days we just went for a few hours to either Lagoon or Lagoon a beach. We'd pack a lunch or dinner (when Seth got off work) and just ride some rides for a little bit. Seth and Claire loved the rock and roll shows. One night we actually went just to watch a show and have a treat. Cheap entertainment! We also went on a night date with Rich and Alison; that was great! 

And one day we met Marianne and Amber and their kids for a day. Another day we met Chad and Beth for a few hours.

So I'd say we defiantly got our moneys worth!

Birthday Party For The Twins!

Yesterday the twins had a birthday with all their cousins and family. We decorated all morning and had everything ready but then it started to rain. Luckily we were able to move the party to the church and still use the bounce house.

Sweet Linda Summsion made two rainbow cake and they were a hit! She is so thoughtful!

We didn't get to do presents and breakfast in bed since Scott and Jamie blessed their baby. So Bella planned that the girls could still eat something in bed and she would serve them. So that's what she did.

They had a great day with family and were ready for another party today with friends. Since we still had the bounce house we had the Sorenson's over for left over cake and ice cream.

Happy Birthday Breanna!

Dear Bre,

You're now 4 years old! How did that happen?
I'm so proud of you. You are so considerate of other peoples feelings and you are such a big helper.
It amazes me how fast you learn new things. Like puzzles, letters and memorizing your part for the primary program.
I feel so blessed to have you in our home. You always bring a calm feeling where ever you go.
I love being your mom and watching you grow.

Love

Mom

Happy Birthday Sydney!

Dear Sydeny,

Where did the last 4 years go? I really can't believe another year has gone by.
You've learned so much! I'm so proud of you! You know your numbers and letters and you're so good at coloring and making new friends. And you've learned how to dribble a basketball and do jumping jacks all by yourself.
I love how sweet you are. Telling me you love unicorns, rainbows and butterflies.
I feel so blessed to be your mom!
Our family wouldn't be the same without you!

Love,

Mom

Just another day at work...

I've been trying to do better at documenting all of Claire's work projects. 

Her latest was a photo shoot for Melaleuca. I find it funny that we auditioned together as mother daughter but they picked her and someone else as the mom. I guess I just don't look like I could be her mom. :). But I will say the lady they picked was very pretty and I guess if you were looking through a magazine you would think they were mother and daughter.

During one of the scenes the director said,"ok, Claire give your pretend mom a bug hug". And she said matter of factly, "I'm not really a hugger", the crew thought that was hilarious.

She loves hair and make up. That's what she talks about most. 

Since she was the only kid there she was spoiled rotten. And since the shot was in Bountiful, Seth was able to come watch. He's never seen her in action. She's getting so good at knowing the lingo she told Seth, "I'm on break so I can talk". She also loved having a diet coke. (since there were only adults the drink choices weren't too kid friendly, but she didn't mind).

1st Day Of School

The magic school bus made a stop the night before school started so when everyone woke up they had a surprise waiting for them.They all had new school supplies and a nice note of encouragement for the new year. When Bella was opening hers she said "the magic school bus knows me so well!"

One we got to school we grabbed the cousins and took one quick picture. 

I can't believe they're all getting so old. I'm so proud of all of them and how much they've grown.

For the last month that Bella's been gone I've let Claire fall asleep in our bed most nights. She misses Bella so much and falls asleep faster if talks with me first.

Tonight was one f those conversations that just made me smile.

She said with her eyes shinning with excitement "mom, what if I wake up at night time when Santa comes and I get to meet him and talk to him in living room? Wouldn't that be cool, because no one ever gets to talk to him. Oh I really hope that happens."

She ended up falling asleep a few minutes later with the sweetest smile on her face.

I'm so glad we have moments like this together. It makes the other parts of the day with her seem not so hard.

Day Visit

Bella came home today for her weekday visit. 

Claire woke up at 7:30am, because she was so excited! She got dressed and wanted to wait outside, even though Bella wasn't getting home until 9:30am.

It was such a sweet reunion. The girls missed Bella so much. AS soon as she got home they rushed to her and gave her a big hug. Then we went to see Seth at work.

We've got a fun day planned. Then she'll go back tonight and come home for good on Sunday, the night before school starts. Unless Kenny pulls a fast one, which we're sure he might. He wants the control of taking her to school on the first. He doesn't care if she'd rather walk with her friends. 

At least we have today and we're all excited!

St George- Just Us!!!

We ran into Boyd and Barb at a wedding a few weeks ago and Barb said they had talked and thought we deserved a weekend alone and we could use their condo.

It was so thoughtful! We had a great time. It was way too hot for me. One day it reached 100 degrees. But it was so nice to stay up late and sleep in and not feel guilty about it.

We went to the Temple, neither of us had been to a session there. We saw the new movie and enjoyed it.

We also went to diner, shopped and went swimming. It was great and relaxing.

Sally took the day off and had the 3 girls for 2 nights. They had so much fun! They couldn't stop talking about it when they got home.

And then the last night they slept over at grandma and grandpa's. They went to church with them and had fun seeing Amber and her kids.

I didn't take that many pictures. Seth took some at the temple but I don't like them., so this is all I have.

Princess Training

Tonight I took the twins to dinner at City Creek. We had McDonalds and then they played at the play land. After that we walked over to the Disney store. We timed it just right because they were starting a "princess Training camp" right as we got there. 

The girls were so cute! They took it so seriously! They learned how to curtsy, wave and all the manors a princess should use. They even got crowned with new princess names (which I forgot, opps)

They had a ball!

Lagoon a beach with grandpa

Today we went to Lagoon a beach with grandpa. It was lots of fun. Claire did all 4 blue slides (something she's never done before) and had a blast! Grandpa even did a couple tube slides.

Such a fun day!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Grandpa turned 74 today and we had a fun dinner birthday party for him. Everyone came; Scott & Jamie, Sharla & Garrett, Fred and Laura & Elysia. I made my first ever pie. It turned out really well. Thanks to Linda.

It was sad not to have Bella there and we missed her.

Also sad that I only got one picture. I guess it's cause we were having such a good time.

Love this guy and all that he does for us! We're so lucky to have him in our lives!