UEA trip to Boise

We took a much needed vacation to Boise this last weekend. 

The kids LOVED it and so did we. 

First off was bowling and Laura who happened to be at a conference there was able to stop by and chat for a minute. Sadly this is the most I've seen her in awhile. 

Then that night Kelli took me on a girls night with some of her friends. Lots of fun!!! 

The next day we went to the Temple open house and that night Seth and Nate got to go out to eat and watch the Utah game.

So it went by fast but was so much fun!!

As we were getting ready to leave (still in the driveway) Bre says "I miss Hailee" and 20 minutes later Claire says "I can't wait to go back and have a sleepover with Hailee".

That about sums it up.

Getting though

Tonight I wrote Kenny an e-mail pretty much begging for Bella to be able to come with us for at least one Halloween event. The school carnival, the ward party or trick or treating. They all fall on his nights and I knew it was a long shot but I thought I can't live with myself and look Bella in the eye if I haven't tried everything.
After I sent the e-mail I said a prayer that I could accept the things that come. This is so hard for me.
I hate knowing that Kenny can hurt Bella like this and watch her look at me like "why aren't you stopping it?".
But at the same time I know my Father in Heaven has a plan for me and my family, especially Bella.
I love her so much!
This trail will make me stronger I know it!

soccer

We've got 2 in soccer this year. It's so much fun. And Seth is loving being the coach!

1st Day of School

Since Bella wasn't here for the first week of school I had my do-over a week later.

Oh I just love these two!!

Syd & Bre's birthday Pictures

I've said it before but I have the BEST friends ever!

Given the state I was in with Bella being gone I wasn't up to pulling a party together. 

Sweet Linda Summsion made the twins their own cakes!!!

Candace hosted the party in her backyard and Chelsie donated the use of her slip n slide even though she was out of town.

And so many people showed up with only 2 hours notice on a Saturday.

Bottom line- the twins felt special on their 3rd birthday and that made me so happy!!

Happy Birthday Syd & Bre!!

With everything that happened with Bella being gone I wasn't able to do a proper birthday post for my sweet girls. But again thank you to everyone who made their birthday special.

I love these two! My life just would not be the same without them!

Bella's Home!!

The minute Bella walked through the door my life felt complete again. I've journaled everything about the 2 weeks but haven't posted because it was too personal. But for everyone who helped me through it, taking the twins, making us dinner, taking Claire and taking care of me when I couldn't get out of bed- THANK YOU!!!

I wish I had recorded the reunion that the girls all shared. 

That night w had a movie night and Bella stayed up until 11:30pm with me.

Dance Recital

The girls had a dance recital during the summer. It was Desi's last year of teaching dance. I have to say I'm really going to miss it. not only was it a bargain (only $10 a month and they made all the costumes) but they all had so much fun!

Hurting

I've never felt pain like this before. I thought going through the pregnancy with a husband cheating on me was hard. But what Kenny is doing now hurts so much more. He has had Bella for 2 weeks and I can hardly stand it. He won't let her use her phone and every time we talk he's right there. When I ask "Is Kenny right there?" she says yes and when I say "Is it hard to talk with him there?" she says yes. Now he's saying he won't bring her back until Friay at 6pm. Which is past his time. If he does that she'll miss the primary ice cream party and walking home with her friends. He cares so little about her. If he cared at all he would let her walk home with her friends and then come get her or something. During his 2 weeks he took her to his work and she just sat there and watched shows on the computer. I hate that he's doing this. He's causing so much pain on everyone. It's hard t take care of the twins and Claire. I feel like I'm in a fog and it's never ending. I don't sleep and I don't eat. I've lost 7 lbs and I'm so tired all the time. The doctor gave me Ambien but it doesn't seem to be helping. He also started me on Prosac. I don't know if that will help. I've never had to take drugs like this and it's because of the stressed caused by Kenny.
I just love my little girl so much!! I want her home. I've never been away from her for so long and it's physically killing me. I don't feel like I can make it,

Cute Claire

Friday was the hardest day of my life, so far. The judge granted Kenny his 2 week vacation with Bella. It will go into school. I've been a wreck. Crying, not eating, not sleeping. Kelli offered to take the twins all week so Seth drove them up today. I was laying on the couch crying this morning and Claire got a blanket and put it on me. Then she wen upstairs got me a string cheese (which she unwrapped) and an apple. It was so cute. Then at lunch she said the prayer and said "please bless that my mom will be happy".
I'm blessed to have so many people who care about me, our family and especially Bella.

Hard Times

This past week has been the hardest since my divorce.
We found out Kenny was paying the right amount in child support. I went to him to talk about it and we decided to meet but when we did (a week later) he was in full attack mode.
He had already seen a lawyer and had written a letter stating that he wanted joint custody.
It's basically been a nightmare since then.
He has called, e-mailed, and texed and most have been in a threatening and bullying way.
Seth and I met with Russ and he reassured us that we had nothing to worry about, and he continues to say that as the texts and e-mails keep coming.
I know he knows what he's talking about, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I love my little Bella more than anything. She is so sweet and vulnerable right now. She has the most wonderful testimony and love of the gospel.
I have blessed with amazing friends who have helped watch the kids while I go to the temple, take a break to clear my head or meet with the attorney.
The hardest part is Kenny is so good at multiplication and bullying that I start to believe everything he says.
I've done a good job at never showing him how I feel, and staying strong but it's so hard. I usually end up crying.
I keep trying to remember that we're in the middle of it and I just can't see the big picture.
I have felt the spirit so strong and I know it has helped me say the right things and e-mail the right things.
Bella is the love of my life and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe and keep her life normal.

Claire's commercials

Claire has been booking so many commercials and photo shots lately. She had one for The Children's Miracle Network and one for The Foundation For A Better Life.

She had ball at both. 

Claire's good choices chart

I came up with an idea to try and channel all of Claire's energy into something positive. And I came up with "Claire's Good Choice's Chart". It worked surprisingly well. Every time she did something that wasn't a good choice I was amazed at how she reacted if I threatened to take a sticker off her chart.

It also helped that she had her eye on a certain Popsicle. And every time she earned one she had a huge smile!

It was great.

And even better she happened to be giving the talk in sharing time and this was a great example for it.

I'm so proud of her!!

Summer Camp

The girls have been busy this summer. Bella has taken tennis, dance and swimming lessons. And she has golf lessons coming up in a few weeks. 

Claire has had swimming and dance.

Then last week they went to summer camp for a week. It was at Claire's preschool. They went everyday in the morning. They had a great time! 

This summer is going by way too fast!

They posed this way on their own.

4th of July Activities

We had a great 4th of July. We started on the 3rd with fireworks at Eaglewood and then woke up bright and early for the Murray parade with Jami and her family. The kids love this parade especially the candy!

After the parade we made a quick run to Park City and then had lunch.

It was such a fun day!! The only think that was missing was Larry's fireworks show. It's a tradition on our street for our neighbor Larry to put on a huge show and his wife to load all the kids up with glow in the dark everything (necklaces, bracelets, ear rings, swords), but this year because of the fires and all the firework restrictions the show had to be canceled. Oh well, maybe next year.

Bella at the parade

Lunch

 Fireworks

weekend of Camping & Boating

I'm a little behind in blogging but with so much going on this summer I really want to try and stay caught up.

Anyway last weekend we took a last minute trip to Anderson Cove to camp and then boat at PineView with friends. We had a blast! The kids had so much fun with their friends and so did we.

The only thing that would have made this trip even better was if Bella had been there, but she was camping with Kenny. Oh well, maybe next time.

 Seth & Syd

 Amber & Abby

 Wyatt & Sawyer making smores

 Seth & Claire enjoying the stars

 All the kids at the lake

 Marianne & Claire

 Marianne hellping the little kids across the lake.

 This was easily Claire's favorite part of the trip! She LOVED boating and going on the tube. She screamed "this is awesome!!!" and didn't want to stop, even when the boys were done.

 The twins also loved the water. They didn't want to get out.

 Abby & Nate

 Seth & the girls on the tube

Me, Amber and Chels on the tube